How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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