i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
