End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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