I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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