I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
