she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
