Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
