Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
