I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
