i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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