Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
