So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
