Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
