So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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