Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
