Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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