I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
