Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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