Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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