im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize