Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?