last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.