You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend