dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.