I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.