wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence