were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize