Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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