you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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