Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
