OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
