I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
