If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
