He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
