There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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