Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
