As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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