The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
