Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
