My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
