Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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