Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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