I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
