i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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