I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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