I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
