I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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