my mouth tastes like poor choices
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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