oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
