White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
