She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
