alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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