dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
