when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
