Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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