AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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