So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
