If that was your dad, he is hot
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
