Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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