I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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