haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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