explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
